shiver me timbers !

2006-11-17T19:03:00.000+08:00

with each new phase you go into, you feel the urge to shed the old skin and find something different that suits the 'new' you. its a moment of self-realization where you kinda stand outside of your little bubble and gawk at the kind of person u used to be. well i'm gawking right now, and i feel compelled to shed like a snake, asap. each time this sudden urge occurs, i instantly experience writer's block. i can no longer identify with shimmshimmy for some reason, and i think its time to say goodbye. again.

2006-11-13T03:23:00.000+08:00

leon's cousin's wedding dinner tonight at rasa sentosa, the waterfront. it holds the record as fastest wedding dinner ever in morticia's book of records. we got there at about 6 and left at 8pm. you probably would have guessed that it wasnt one of those traditional chinese wedding dinners that have a million and one courses, a gazillion relatives and unnecessary waiting time between dishes. it was buffet style - perfect 'cos by 6pm i was hungry enough to eat an entire meadow of cows. ok anyway, i typed this post right after the last one because i wanted to get it over and done with. so, in case any of u were wondering if i had passed out after typing 'fatigue', uhm .. no.

but i'm going to now.

2006-11-13T03:11:00.000+08:00

i dont know wtf happened with blogger, but i had typed out one of those long ramble-y posts and then it evaporated. its 3am and i'm too lazy to do it all over again. anyway, i cut my hair yesterday. so here i am being obnoxious and forcing all you voyeurs to look at my 'shroom head.

i cant believe i spent fri and sat night doing school reports, cos that means school is fucking whack and i should drop out PRONTO. the other day i was so bored in class i entertained the thought of burning down smoo, and proceeded to let my friend in on the plan then asked her to evacuate the building asap. we ended up meeting for smokes outside the library, and five minutes later we were back in class where we were supposed to be. another plan that failed to materialize ... how tragic.

fatigue ...... phatigue ..... fuhteeg ........

2006-11-11T14:52:00.000+08:00

soldiers of charmed and their semi-charmed lives

bruzzi is bored of waiting on people.

one day my left arm is gonna be longer than my right arm. sound familiar?

i honestly wish there was a phrase to replace 'camera whore' because its so painfully overused. if the world continues using it as much as it already does, it might even make it to the dictionary. and until we find the perfect phrase, we could call ourselves photo enthusiasts. or in my case, maybe just narcissistic bitch =\

anyway, my uncle flew in from san diego yesterday and will be bunkin' at our pad until ... further notice. i find it really funny that neither of my parents have asked him how long he will be staying with us, because they don't want him to think that we're chasing him away. HAHA adults are hard to understand sometimes. i entertained the thought of poppin' the question last night over dinner, but then decided to let mom and dad continue to squirm uncomfortably as they contemplate how to go about doing it. yeah, cheap fucking thrill. speaking of thrill, i guess i am kinda thrilled that he's here, cos its been 9 long years since i've seen him.

im pretty much resigned to the fact that this ranting space will forever be subjected to minimal efforts on my part. its so easy to just spout random bullshit that comes to mind, or to put up pictures so that my friends overseas know that i'm still alive. but ultimately, we're merely satiating the appetites of invisible voyeurs. and it becomes just as easy for them to judge. i'd rather choose to indirectly cater to their superficial needs than to let them be the judge of who i really am.

2006-11-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

earlier in the week, due to unmentionable circumstances, i had deleted my lvl 60 wow character. for those of you who do not play wow, or feel that you couldnt possibly identify with my pain, read no further.

so the story goes. i had mailed off all my valuable items, sold off my armor and mailed gold to leon, then proceeded to type 'DELETE' as instructed. and there she went.

BUT. out of regret, and combined misery, leon and i decided to mail the GM to have Bruzzi restored. it appears that is possible, because shes now sitting in my account, minus the armor which im waiting to receive. im extremely amazed at how advanced blizzard is and the highly satisfactory customer support we received. phew.

anyway, out of boredom, i found pics of nicole richie where she looks less like a rat and quite the attractive lady. but my god, somebody give her some pizza!

2006-11-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

today we decided to have lunch at SP of all places because we were famished. 'nuff said.
our journey to the foodcourt was sooooooo fun. riiight.
we proceeded to attend a talk on "Emerging Democracies & Economies of Eastern Europe" in the afternoon. it could've been in Russian, for all i care, it wouldnt have made much of a difference. but ok, i was interested for at least 25 mins if u put all the interesting bits together. what with wenwei drawing cartoons beside me and B2 giggling about random things on my left.

i look like death, and feel like it too.

it wouldnt be awfully far-fetched for me to believe that all this is being brought on by the lethal duo of school and PMS, right? these days, my sudden urges for solitude occur so abruptly that i clamour to be alone, even if its for a measly fifteen minutes. what with obsessive compulsive disorderly folk, and the tragically confused emo-trips.

i cant decide which is worse. pretending to not see someone you'd rather not acknowledge, or acknowledging them and being a hypocrite in the process. my ridiculous fixation on the most inconsequential details causes much confusion and eventually brings nothing but immense fatigue. thank god for that bundle of season 2 The 'L' Word dvds in my bag, i feel relief coming over me already.

i wish i could say more, but 'meet the fockers' is on.
you figure out the rest.

2006-11-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

trapped in such a state of lunacy that even i myself cannot comprehend. once again i come face to face with the law of diminishing returns, only this time, the input is evidently less intense. the outcome continues to be tremendously miserable. how is it that at this crucial moment, we still manage to feel no guilt nor remorse for playing hooky? as you probably know, i like to ask completely pointless rhetorical questions. because as always, it just boils down to me simply not caring. my newfound partner in crime merely serves to fuel my very lacking sense of responsibility.

and today we mourn the death of marketing class. it died ever so peacefully for the sake of a big pao and our growling tummies.

2006-11-05T02:26:00.000+08:00

bomster bonanza

what can i say, we're homebodies. of course, we could have gone cycling today like leon had explicitly promised. BUT i suppose this was fun too :)

stocking up for our massive block of wow time.

coco crunch!

with the kind of hysteria i have to deal with at school, i can only wish for the weekend to never end. and just when i thought i had free time this weekend, some random thing had to pop out from nowhere. less words and more pictures these days because i think my brain deserves a rest after all the trauma it experiences over the week.

2006-10-31T23:43:00.000+08:00

The Many Faces of Sumaya.

the J.B fan, my no.1 victim, bored sumaya, sumaya the ace presenter, queen of blotters, model sumaya, B2 & B1, sumaya's fave sweater.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, B2 :) don't know what i'd do without you in school. <3 enjoy the pics hahaha

2006-10-29T00:30:00.000+08:00

for starters, i would like to wish a very special someone Happy Anniversary! :)

at this point, i should also probably mention the joyous acquisition of a brand new digital camera. with the help of the bomster himself, of course. ive waited 4 long years for my first upgrade, and what better day to celebrate it than today! and because i am too tired, and lazy to flaunt it by taking a copious amount of pictures, i promise you now that i will do so tmr.

i don't know how i got so lazy. but if there's one thing i'm sure of, the mysterious creature lying on my bedroom floor has got something to do with it.

2006-10-28T03:28:00.000+08:00

S W I N G E R S ------------ Directed & Produced by Grace Khoo :)

it was 'fantabulous', as my best friend likes to say. i laughed so hard, i'd be lying if i said i wasn't entertained :D and to top that off, i got to see the people i've been missing. or rather, who HAVE been missing in action, much like myself.

2006-10-25T19:55:00.000+08:00

today, like most days, we got bored and proceeded to tour the areas surrounding our school campus. i should probably also mention that ww had cut class to wait 3 hours with me before meeting our marketing professor. double snore.

first we hit the SingaporeArtMuseum (SAM) - a place ive been wanting to go to for the longest time. i guess i brought the right person along because there were a lot of malay words/phrases in the art and ww played translator. most of the stuff was by indonesian artists ... we had a good time critiquing everything, even though we knew didley squat abt interpreting art.

i guess it was kind of a big deal in a low key sorta way because for the FIRST TIME today, i'd gone to the national library! a lil disappointing cos it was so dull and most of the books were 'for reference only'. we kinda strolled around, making lotsa noise, checking out random art, design, biz and lit books. yeah, helluva random, if you ask me.

us attacking new2U thrift shop after SAM.
we preferred the street art section to the ones in the galleries.
new2U - where everything was about a size 12-16. even the quirky vintage dresses :(

i THINK that gorilla on the bottom left is supposed to be a certain someone we refer to as MM.
SAM.
touristy tendencies.

2006-10-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

SMOOOOooooo.

Sumaya's ant-infested laptop. Imagine the look on the helpdesk dude's face when she told him her problem.

school on a saturday. for some reason, it didnt quite blow as much as the thought of going back to school on a weekend sounds like. err that sentence sounded weird. but anyway, shades FTW! riiiight. time for some southpark wow now :) youtube, people.

2006-10-14T03:11:00.000+08:00

when life starts to get ridiculous, it seems imperative that you resort to conventional therapy rather than perpetuate individual patterns. mid-term break my ass. more like break your back with project work. but anyway, fuck that, its over.

insomnia at its most hateful. i just wanna roll over and sleep, but i cant. damn random thoughts keeping me up at the worst times. everytime i have an 830 class, insomnia pays me a visit. is it really that hard to just go for my management accounting class?!

ok, too tired and cynical to care.

2006-10-13T02:27:00.000+08:00

after my haircut yesterday, i am officially a 'shroom head. and yeah, i think my left arm really is getting longer than my right arm.

anyway, i cant believe i was up doing reports all of fri and sat night because that just means school is whack and i should drop out PRONTO. the other day i entertained the thought of burning the school down, then proceeded to let my friend in on the plan and asked her to evacuate the building. we ended up meeting for smokes outside the library ... then heading back to whatever class we were supposed to be in at the time. quite tragic.

these days everything feels so fragile. one moment you've got a jewel in your hand, the next moment it turns into stone. is there anything in your life thats capable of surviving the test of time and the changes that come along? i hate that phrase 'by default', but i too am guilty of using it one time too many.

2006-10-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

so i think i've come to terms with the fact that i will forever be plagued by a life of schizophrenic tendencies. i honestly think all this whacko attitude's being channelled in a rather chaotic fashion and its time somebody called in the professionals. i dont take pride in being half-assed about everything, it just happens that way, cut me some slack. with all this news revolving around excessive gaming habits that lead to death and other sorts of strange behaviour, i really wonder, when will that shit ever happen to me. not that i want it to. but it all just seems very unrealistic. maybe i'm just not hardcore enough, but youre not gonna see me sitting at my window ledge. ok and even if i fell, i think i'd break a limb at most cos i live on the 2nd floor. what a loser.

melodramatics aside, lets talk about real life. ok so apart from being psychotic and being Bruzzi, i also happen to do things as Marissa with my boyfriend, Leon. yeah, contrary to popular belief, we do occassionally tear our asses from our swivelling chairs and take walks to places at least 2km away from a lanshop. we hit ViVo City on saturday - opening day apparently. what a fucking waste of time. sometimes sheer excitement has such an adverse effect on me that it impairs my judgement so overwhelmingly. i tend to forget to THINK before i decide on going to 'big' places during its grand opening where there're gonna be a horde of people just waiting for a stampede to happen. no shit man. free parking was even provided - to say we were just asking for it would be a mere understatement. naturally, we ended up driving back to our favourite lanshop in jurong :) yeah man that was so much better. my bad.

anyway, like probably only 20 shops at ViVo were open, of which only 4 were worth looking at but only 2 fully open to the public. everything else was just under construction and in the process of setting up shop. if youre thinking about going there, you might wanna throw on a bikini, because their air-conditioning is half-fucked as well. ok, i'm being a bitch. i'm sure it will be fabulous when its fully open. maybe.

we finally watched 'Thank You For Smoking', and i must say its a fucking awesome movie. yeah talk about a lifelong lag. why am i always trailing behind the cool crowd. misery! anyway, theres nothing like sitting back with Mr. Bomster, shootin' the shit and taking on multiple personalities for the sake of self-entertainment. you might call it warped role-playing, but it brings us much laughter, especially just before bed when we're all a lil woozy and tired.

//Bruzzi blows Bambambigolo a kiss.

2006-09-30T18:33:00.000+08:00

bollywood banana.
leon sleeping with 2 other girls.
wtf, dude.
and since rusty's too fat to be in the full frame with leon and max, she gets a shot of her own.

i must say, its no easy feat trying to lead 2 lives. been ridiculously busy doing the usual inconsequential things, but le lousy photographer did manage to capture a couple random shots to liven this dreary place up. dont ask me why the photos are jumbled up so badly, blogger's just fucked up like that.

2006-09-25T02:39:00.000+08:00

broken sleep patterns always have the most unpredictable effects on me, and the way it swings both ways so erratically, you really cant get mental preparation for its consequences. i just want to be the rambuctious thing i am without having to care about shit like fatigue. its been a crazy week, to quote someone else who probably has been having a far more interesting time than i am. correct me if i'm wrong, but sleeping around regardless of your intentions or mutual agreements, still does make you kinda skanky ... doesn't it? or am i just more anal than i thought. all you new age modernists make me feel conservative and shit.

ok so i recently rediscovered my utterly irresponsible self with the help of various patronising individuals, and, to be real frank, i still dont give a rat's ass. i swear i'm not trying to go all 'wildchild' on anyone, and im certainly not into that whole rebellion phase either, god forbid. but i just dont naturally have a tendency to act responsible about things i dont give two hoots about. like school, for one. i dont give a fuck about school. i stay in school for the sake of finishing what i started. and the reason i started was because i still didnt know what i wanted to do with my life and it was sort of an insurance. but everything else can pretty much go to hell. as long as i dont get kicked out.

all this ranting, because someone questioned my 'aim in life'. god, i'm touchy like that. doesnt take much to blow my fuse. the less dreary my life is, the less i feel the need to resort to this blogging bullshit. so much has happened, but its funny how people assume that i just lock myself away everyday to play wow. i WISH i had the time man, school's a bitch. no actually, homework and tests and projects are really THE SHIT. i actually do enjoy school and the good things it brings along with the bad.

ok anyway. its late, and i'm aching all over from that strenuous running i did 6 hours ago. fucking hate when the delayed aching finally sets in. then again, it means i worked out, as opposed to walking around the running track with my cell phone acting as resistence. ok i'm a bag of contradictions as always. but all you other messed up people shld get my drift, right? i think? maybe i shld just go to bed.

*the best times are the ones we spend together in the most random fashion doing the most ordinary of things.

grace: i missed you. today was fun, right? :) i always feel the need to introduce everyone to my best friend. don't ask me why. maybe it IS true, i am your #1 fan -gag-

2006-09-12T03:28:00.000+08:00

it seems the world needs some sort of mass philanthropic effort to come from somewhere. sometimes i think im glad that i am mildly obssessed with an activity that keeps me home so much, as opposed to going out and being surrounded by the cynics and jackasses, the plastics and the Iagos of the century. reality can be a bitch, and along with it come the bitches. i always thought it to be very clever to seem to constantly have an opinion about everything. well i suppose its smarter to keep your opinions to yourself, or to the people you know you can trust not to distort everything they hear. i would say i've reached one of my dysfunctional peaks and am gradually falling back down to the point of attaining some sensibility. it just hit me today that i have a test on wednesday, and on a topic ive flunked once before.

anyway, i watched some marathon programme on animal planet which was in memory of steve irwin. and i must say, that man has done some REALLY crazy things in his life. ok, crazy would be a major understatement. but anyhow, i'm really moved by the way he dedicated his life to raising awareness of animals and their needs/behaviour. but here comes the really bizarre part, which kinda makes me question my own sanity sometimes. its really sad and all, how/that he died, and i think of it as one of the greatest tragedies ever. but throughout the entire programme, i didnt shed a tear until the part where they featured his little dog, Sui, and how she gradually died of old age. i smudged eyeliner over a dog. i know, i really need to get my priorities straightened out.

random bullshit aside. VERN turned 20 on Sunday, Sept 10th! sorry bout the late announcement, i didnt turn on my laptop all weekend. and SAB's back from the states! she got back at approx. 1am++ on Sunday as well. so, double whammy right there :) we all headed to Club Home @ BoatQuay to celebrate Vern's big day tog. i really wish we didnt all have to have such crazy schedules, really clashing ones too. but dinner tmr! i look forward to it. fuck the test on wed :D bring on the food!

okay im so smashed, im beginning to ramble. but before i go, i just wanna thank my bomster for keeping me sane by making me do insane things like playing wow every waking moment. for listening to my (sometimes) almost unreasonable whinging about the people and things that frustrate me to no end. and for putting up with my moodiness when i get off late from school. damn do i hate having to go to class. yeah .. so thank you, baby :)

2006-09-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

dinner at The Line @ Shangri-La last night with the fearless guild master of Blitzkrieg. such an honour, i must say. buffets have always been a favourite of mine, but this one was just gastronomically challenging to defeat. given the wide variety of food, me having had 3 meals already, and leon not performing up to standard, it was quite impossible to give everything a try. nevertheless, we polished off what we could and indulged in their monster fondue fountain before rushing off to ... play more wow.

am trying to make it a point to post pictures of myself/ourselves when we're out and about so as to provide evidence that we really arent as geeky and game-addicted as i often make ourselves sound. ok, this cant really be said of leon cos the freak plays when im at school, when im beside him, AND when i go to sleep. i, on the other hand, have RESPONSIBILITIES that i need to fulfill before i go knock myself out on wow. i desperately need to fix my pc because its a gaming nightmare, imagine the lack of sound and the constant hanging. i dont know how i managed to tolerate it till now.

vern's bday tmr night, and kelvin's too :D i have to split myself again, cos i cant miss either! okay .. and also cos i wanna eat 2 cakes.

2006-09-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

and because ive had to patronize the local cab companies quite frequently over the past 3 weeks, the immense boredom finally ate my sanity and compelled me to self-entertain with my trusty samsung cell. big shades are essential when youve got eyebags as big as mine from wowing all day, all night. cutting class to go buy 6-hour packages at a lan shop wasnt quite what i had imagined my term was gonna turn out to be like. then again, who the hell's complaining.

according to wenwei, my eyes have that glazed look everytime i step into class. i dont think thats quite what i want happening. its quite amusing actually. its quite a challenge being responsible when youve developed an addiction to something thats so frustratingly time-consuming. 3 more weeks should do it!

our good priest has left for the army, hence the need for a suitable replacement. any takers?

2006-09-04T05:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes i question your delusion. i secretly suspect that you are perpetually hallucinating thanks to your affinity to narcotics and such.

if anyone's wondering whether ive fallen off the edge of the earth and disappeared into the great abyss, well not quite. school's started. so just picture my crazy timetable and my obssession with wow, and you can pretty much guess that there currently is no such thing as FREE TIME. the only social activity worth mentioning would probably be roger's birthday thingy on saturday. chermy if youre reading this, im sorry i couldnt make it to your chalet. i'll make it up to you somehow, i promise. and grace, what happened today?!

bambambigolo thinks that we get more judgemental as we get older, hence the inclination to dislike people before really getting to know them. to some extent i agree, because im so fucking picky sometimes its almost impossible to make new friends. and i do mean friends, not your typical hi-bye social butterflies whom you maintain your zero-depth-friendships with. well i dont know, it doesnt bother me. i can be cynical and jaded, so what.

better go to sleep or i wont have the energy to wow tmr.

2006-08-25T17:58:00.000+08:00

2006-08-25T17:28:00.000+08:00

you're all deluded.

as far as i'm concerned,
school is whack.

i have never seen so many enthusiastic people congregating at the sterile concrete cage that is smu. or maybe i have, like one year ago, when i was dragged there against my will to be among the madness. dont get me wrong, im really not as cynical as i sound, but all this hype makes going to university look like such a farce.

so the week has ended, and i can finally settle in peace to work on far greater things like making gold. taxi drivers are getting increasingly eccentric. after a long and arduous day at school, all i want is to sit at the back of a taxi, close my eyes, and forget about all the fuss. but of course, thats hardly the case these days, because i always seem to make the acquaintence of the most talkative taxi drivers. so as it is, today i learnt two new cheesy acronyms, courtesy of local humour:

ERP - Everyday Rob People
PAP - Pay And Pay (I think this is old stuff ....right?)

i'll bet theres more.

2006-08-23T02:36:00.000+08:00

no one else.

2006-08-20T04:16:00.000+08:00

azeroth has once again fucked up my progress towards normality and i foresee myself spending copious amounts of time and money perpetuating this madness. then again, its not even half as ridiculous and may i say STUPID as having that money end up in the hands of illegitimate pseudo businessmen that are never seen but heard from twice a week. ive walked away from that bullshit a long time ago but it seems that someone i care about is still blinded by the tantalizing rewards that're eternally out of reach. there is no win-win situation, and i think you should've learnt that by now. come away with me.

anyway, i cant imagine how quickly these past 4 months have passed. and during this time, so much shit has happened, the ups the downs the unfathomable balderdash. despite the hysteria, i still wouldnt have spent it any other way.

thanks for being my perfect companion, my sputnik sweetheart, and just about everything to me.

2006-08-12T17:58:00.000+08:00

camp nocturnalia is officially over.

its quite tragic how it only lasted 2 nights. i could definitely see myself doing what we did for the past 3 days 2 nights for the rest of eternity. but then theres school and homework and exams. so i think its about time we reverted back to our state of being tertiary robots.

every now and then, i wonder what my purpose in life really is. and i hope to god its not purely to get through school unscathed, climb the corporate ladder, support my parents and have lots of babies. it makes me sick to think that i've achieved so little yet lack the motivation to actually accomplish greater things. other than hitting level 60 in wow. which is so last year.

just another week.

2006-08-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

given the pros and cons of cohabitation, i would have to assert that massive weight gain and a very contagious cough are probably the the worst things that could happen. amid the fun and laughter and chips and ice cream and blackjack and dvd sprees, comes the bulging tummy and eye bags and forgotten responsibilities, not forgetting the immense state of BANKRUPTCY.

these holidays have dragged on for so fucking long that i've actually begun to do random completely boring and wasteful things for the sake of passing time. going to zouk at any given opportunity, for one. despite the countless complaints ive heard getting thrown back and forth about how painfully boring it is, i somehow find myself at that godforsaken place on days when i really should be sitting at home knitting a sweater or something.

i mean, seriously.

even grandma activities seem more appealing and gratifying.

2006-08-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

the lengths we go to to self-entertain on a wednesday night when our pockets are empty and bank accounts completely busted. we resort to talking to fellow boredfucks like daniel teo who seems to have just discovered the vast amount of amusement that webcams can sometimes bring.

note: unlike daniel who is making a forced funny face, leon is actually giving us his everyday, every hour expression :D

2006-08-08T02:59:00.000+08:00

In many ways they'll miss the good old days
Someday, someday
Yeah it hurts to say but I want you to stay
Sometimes, sometimes
When we was young ah man did we have fun
Always, always
Promises they break before they're made
Sometimes, sometimes

2006-08-04T12:31:00.000+08:00

/feims anticipates the burning crusade.

if i started playing wow again, that'd be another 50 non-existent bucks down the drain, and 8 months worth of patches to download. knowing wow patches, i'll probably be downloading till next year. but despite all this griping, we both know im gonna be planting my ass on the recliner and staring at mind-blowing wow graphics in time to come.

its kinda spooky how i was just taking a break to go raid the kitchen halfway through typing this entry, and while drinking my greenbean soup, a headline in today's papers caught my eye. it was a friggin article on game addiction! holy cowwww, dudes. talk about coincidence. they even featured world of warcraft and some middle-aged female psychologist who started playing wow as a form of research.

the funny thing here is, i don't see anything wrong with becoming dysfunctional over extended periods of time as long as these periods come to an end every now and then. i mean, its a personal choice. so what if i sit at my computer all day and ignore my friends and have macaroni and porridge so that i can hold the spoon in one hand and play with the other. i dont need psychiatric help, because i chose to be anti-social for the sake of online gaming. unlike some other people, i dont think wow is wrecking my life cos im still in school, i still have dinner with my parents some nights, i still meet my friends and my boyfriend hasn't broken up with me yet. i don't deny that during these periods of obssession i become slightly self-absorbed and uninterested in the world around me, but its not like its gonna last for all eternity. AND i'm still functioning like a normal human being.

i admire the fact that people have actually opened psychiatric facilities to deal with things like this. am i just in denial, or is this really necessary?

2006-07-29T06:11:00.000+08:00

it scares me how i still find myself struggling to fully comprehend my own baffling eccentricities at the grand age of 20. one moment im firing ambitious missiles in all alluring endeavours, the next i'm all voluntarily solitary just watching the world go by. i'm as fickle as the next girl. and it really isnt about calling attention to myself, because the last thing i want is to be noticed. i constantly find myself to be contradicting in every sense of the word, yet i assert that such revolting actions are the result of unintentional flippancy. i suffer from self-induced insomnia that is usually caused by my own raging thoughts that seem to resume heavy traffic at times when i should really be asleep. i hate being out of control but even the control freak in me is powerless to the randomness of my own behaviour. its really quite ridiculous, and now i just want to explode. cos my head is throbbing from the lethal combination of acute fatigue and the inability to fall asleep.

these holidays have made me a monster. or am i just singin' the same tune all year round.

2006-07-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

as you can see, leon is wearing the same shirt from yesterday, what a dirtbag. since it was our 30th month anniversary today, we decided to splurge a little and have dinner at hot stones @ clarke quay. rather extravagant for two completely wiped out clowns. but it was worth every penny! stuffing ourselves silly is adequate consolation for the type of misery we have caused ourselves of late. 3 main courses, 1 side dish, 1 dessert and 1 drink at a grand total of approx. 100bucks.
ernie showing leon some love this morning.

post-dinner randomness. ignore the fact that we are constantly lying around.
awww :) yes, i am psycho. we just love to disturb leon when hes trying to sleep.

i love you.

2006-07-28T12:59:00.000+08:00

happy anniversary, leon abruzzi.

2006-07-24T01:41:00.000+08:00

it is rather devastating to be back from our painfully short-lived holiday to hongkong. three simple words: extreme sleep deprivation. i think we can safely say that we did not waste a single minute of our 3 measly days at our favourite holiday destination. staying fer 2 extra nights wouldve been the icing on the cake, but unfortunately, we arent crazy enough to blow moolah on one-way tickets back to singapore on tuesday. dont you just hate special packages sometimes.

please ignore random photos that are, as usual, not in order.

saying goodbye to the Sands casino in macau to catch the 7am ferry back to hongkong after 9 hours of blackjack. i dont think i need to tell you how smashed i was.
eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat.

no more money! give us back our money! ok maybe not in leon's case, that explains the big grin. the one hour trip to macau is always one filled with excitement. the trip back is just hell. guess which one this is?
taken on the bus heading towards our hotel. once again, we did not sleep a wink the night before our flight, but we survived the entire day after catching just 4 hours on the plane.
our favourite back alley steakhouse across the street from the hotel we stayed at. stuffing our gut is considered a hobby. theres fatigue written all over my face.
counting what little money we had left for macau after some major shopping.

:)

will someone please sponsor my ticket back?

2006-07-15T02:17:00.000+08:00

our non-drunk rendevous at muddy murphy's, where i'd forgotten how to get to the toilet, and required a chaperone. right. i leave the complaints to lil miss smugface here, whose bf was out of town. hence the divulging of dirty secrets to complete strangers. you know you love me, gracie!

please ignore random photowhoring due to boredom at work, or perhaps sheer vanity. i'd go with boredom if i were you.
we continue to spread the love.
have i mentioned that we love each other? its been a while. while taking this, i burned a hole in her bag. whoops, sorry hon.
i'm such a ghost. and grace really needs to stop smoking hahaha hey does ky read my blog?! :D
you're such a bad girl.

dangerously random we are.

and in two hours, i leave for limchukang to watch my paternal grandmother get exhumed. of all the freaky things i've done, this has gotta be the freakiest.

2006-07-15T02:11:00.000+08:00

e'an - aussie santa claus to the toothpick and me. i have yet to collect my presents! work is turning me into a smashed pumpkin, please forgive the delay. since we're in the same neighbourhood, you should drop by when you're free

the only decent shot that my 6 year old digicam managed to capture. flash is a smash.
the best friend fiddling with dunno what. and whose blurred hand is that!

i think we terrified the bearer of gifts with our constant bickering. nevertheless, it was good to meet :) i'm always well-informed with e'an around, she never misses anything. pfft. i need to come out of my cave more often. 'nuff said.

2006-07-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

subway shoot-outs are for pansies

i am so close to imploding from the myriad types of rage that're dominating the senses. its easy to make assumptions, or is your guilty conscience just holding a gun to your head? it disappoints me how you aint got the balls to confront issues head on. here's some spare change, go buy yourself some cos i'm quite sure you weren't born with any.

office turn-out today stands at a grand total of 5 souls. everyone seems to have scurried off to some v. important conference at suntec. or are you all just hangin out and having carl's jr. ... i'm genuinely sad that next monday will be my last day of work. i've only been here for slightly over a week and i'm getting all blubbery and sad already. anyway, being unemployed just means saying hello to sunny sentosa with my vertically challenged good friends (haha!), and spending more time with the bitches, both furry and non-furry. you get my drift.

i feel like the dead girl in 6th sense whose mom kept poisoning her food to keep her sick till she finally died and went on to scare the shit outta hayley joel osmond (lazy to check spelling). just that in my case, someone's filling my mind up with nasty shit thats kinda corroding all the positive thoughts that once dwelled so peacefully up in there. in any case, at the rate you're going, i'm gonna be braindead by the end of the week.

and to the egotistical fuckheads that are so bent on believing that my thoughts and feelings revolve around your actions, its time for a fucking reality check.

diplomacy to the extent of hypocrisy? why waste your time.

2006-07-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

take your ADD, and go shove it up your ass.

2006-07-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

eerie resemblance, no? without a doubt, dudes. the one at the back holding the ciggie kinda looks like one of them too. who are these creatures and where do they come from! that whole act cute tongue thing must be a greeting message of sorts :D

2006-07-11T12:02:00.000+08:00

i need to stop wearing dangly earrings
with loadsa teeny bits that get stuck to my wooly sweater
i just spent at least 3 minutes looking like a retard
with my head cocked to one side
and my earring tangled to the wool

2006-07-11T09:43:00.000+08:00

bowel gymnastics

your jesting has gone beyond the boundaries of my tolerance levels. at this point, should you choose to continue with your lame insinuations and annoying antics, it would only be of potential harm to you. this may sound morbidly cynical, but you cant deny the truth it bears: you may encounter many transient individuals in your lifetime, and a lot of the time, despite your chummy relationship that is so terrifyingly evident on the surface, they really are of no importance to you in the long run. and may, in fact, even cause you to undergo much adversity. graciously ignoring your behaviour is nothing but a lethal injection to our hollow friendship.

is it just me, or is it only sunny when im bogged down with work/school during the early hours of the day. its getting to be quite aggravating the way the weather chooses to be so flippant when i finally have a say in my own agenda. arent we all equally susceptible to the merciless nature of Murphy's Law. its been near impossible to keep dates now that i have work and an ailing grandmother to drive around for medical appointments and what not. i kind of get pissed off with myself on behalf of the people who've had to endure my repeated rainchecks.

i've been quite fortunate to not have to lunch alone since my first day at work. the one hour is hardly adequate for the kind of meals i require in order to fill my vastly expandable tummy. big meals = more time required for consumption.

boredom really is the master catalyst of idle talk and aimless rambling. its like im suddenly equipped with an inexhaustable supply of random shit to say for the sake of keeping my fingers busy on the keyboard. i really dont know how i managed to keep my previous receptionist job for over 5 months last year. it's merely been 4 days and already i feel like i'm losing steam.

slight interjection: i just transferred a call to the boss without going through his secretary, completely forgetting that i'd been given crystal clear instructions earlier not to do so cos he was having a conference call with some VIPs. i just saw him dash out of his office to answer the call. holy shit, i think i'm gonna get my pink slip today.

2006-07-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

trips to STRIP are always marked by much agonizing pain. nevertheless, the sadist in me (or should i say the follicle-hating freak), repeatedly returns for more indescribably painful pleasure. someone check me into the psych ward, please.

the dangly beads surrounding the ugly fluorescent light. see how they skillfully make the place out to be a funky and tranquil one. its really just a lab of suffering and brutal torture.
attempting to embrace the pain, post-trauma
this big fat gothic looking mirror was just too tempting. ironically i cant stand people who do the whole mirror shot thing. so i suppose, at this moment, i hate myself.

explains the self-inflicted cruelty.

2006-07-08T03:27:00.000+08:00

fucking talk cock.

seriously.

2006-07-07T17:57:00.000+08:00

roll with it, snowflake

befuddled by the overwhelming inequity that so often rears its ugly head in the face of tough competition. it was never a necessity to emerge victorious at every challenge faced. perhaps this lack of drive or competitive spirit stems from stark fear of disappointment, and the minor embarrassment that entails? i was somewhat convinced that its usually neither, but a laid-back demeanour instead that so chokes and mortifies the challenger inside. its so often the case that the most obscure signs of ambition are driven off by the malevolent phantom thats usually concealed by sheer laziness, ineptitude and an unexplainable melancholy towards success.

having said all that, isn't it ironic the desolation that develops the minute we find ourselves plummeting towards a somewhat blissless abyss where we find ourselves scoffed at rather than glorified? on the contrary, some of us have become so used to the idea of ignorance being bliss, so much so that we almost automatically block out the negativity that comes blaring in our faces.

i could never explain where all this frivolity was coming from. deep inside, there really isnt any existing burning desire that yearns to be fulfilled. i quite enjoy the coming and going of day-to-day events that were hardly ever planned, hence never were expected. like a christmas present you never asked for. doesnt it make receiving it all the more joyful, rather than waiting around burdened by high hopes that often get crushed by concrete balls of insensitivity and forgetfulness.

schizophrenia enthralls me.
i've made my mess. its time for the clean-up crew to do their job.

2006-07-04T02:04:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning because of a noisy phone call and landed myself a job as a receptionist (... so exciting ...) at a german firm located at raffles place. the distance is nothing when good money is involved. it also lasts only about 7 days with intervals in between - the intervals being the major pull factor here. the perfect job for the perfect sloth. so anyway, i trudged off to work, hitched a ride from my very reluctant mother who had actually just driven through the gates to our apartment, and set off to provide them with my expertise at handling miscellaneous receptionist tasks. righto. like drinking their milo and indulging in the wide variety of biscuits and what not in their pantry.

so seven days of enjoyment, or torture. whichever way you see it. or i see it.

whatever.

i never understood how i could put so much effort and emotion into writing letters for people who eventually never receive these works of art. i mean honestly, i read em over again and wonder wtf had gotten into me at the time. probably part of the reason why they never got sent. i'm flooded by unsent letters, in books, on notepads, even in my laptop. i know, i'm moonstruck as fuck.

time to hit the sack so i can endure 9 hours of doing very important nothings.

2006-07-02T03:50:00.000+08:00

never underestimate the potency of slug-like tendencies.

i just spent about 4 hours developing bloodshot eyes from watching several episodes of prison break. yeah i know im kinda slow, always the last one to get in on the good stuff. but oh my dawg, prison break is one of the most fucking interesting shows i've ever watched. it was thrilling from the very start, right until approximately an hour ago when i had to practically tear myself away from the tube and get outta bed to stretch. i dont think i made a single trip to the kitchen for munchies. i think thats a pretty clear indication of the magnitude of its greatness.

so i guess my life kinda revolves around television, mcdonalds, and fiddling about on my laptop during random lapses of idle time. i actually passed up a date at poptart just so i could sit around on my ever expanding ass and glue my vision to the tele. not that the idea of zouk had been a very enticing one to begin with.

i'm barely surviving on five hours of interrupted sleep, zero naps, low nuitrition and torture from killer rays this afternoon when i was sitting at the street soccer court dodging wayward balls. fatigue is giving me a headache - its outcry of rage against my peaceful demonstration.

brazil vs. france is probably one of the must-see matches of this world cup, but i honestly dont think i'm gonna be able to make it.

goodnight, fellas.
goodnight bom, who's sleeping on my floor :)

2006-06-30T03:56:00.000+08:00

it doesnt get any more retarded than this

2006-06-30T02:23:00.000+08:00

a night out with silvia

marissa vs. silvia

leon and his new bitch, according to him

2006-06-29T17:36:00.000+08:00

its nice to wake up and know you dont have to rush into the shower, stuff your shitloads of miscellaneous objects into a bag bursting with books and such, and lug your 2kg laptop to the bus stop and head for more brain damage to be dealt at school. sometimes getting my ass outta the hse becomes such an ordeal, the thought alone releases instant feelings of fatigue. i dont know when i became this lazy, its not even just about school work anymore. i presume this is what people mean when they whinge about 'getting old'.

anyway, picnic on sat with the the skinnies.
i'm psyched :)

2006-06-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

happy anniversary, bomster :)

2006-06-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

i will never quite understand why i bother but certain things need to stay dead and buried beneath the earth. i dont expect someone not in my position to comprehend the kind of feelings i continue to hold regarding past issues, but its inevitable that i make my discomfort known. i think those close to me are aware that i can be extremely blunt at times to the point that i become slightly tactless. but the extent of how straightforward i am with someone is always directly proportional to how much our friendship is worth to me. i may be the master of bottling up then exploding, but when i am genuinely bothered by a matter that involves a friend, i find it most relieving and effective to speak my mind. i would rather the other party know that i'm affected by his or her actions right away instead of allowing feelings of discontent to build up. i've come to realise that getting pissed off over petty matters is one of the biggest wastes of emotions and energy. i'm quite aware of my short-fused tendencies, and i apologize if i get ticked off easily. but i forgive and forget, despite repeated offences. it's when i'm down to my last straw, then your best choice is to just walk away, because there is no way in hell i am gonna tolerate your sorry ass wreaking havoc in my very peaceful life.

2006-06-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

your words, they suffocate

i dont know how i became the innocent bug that got caught in a tarantula's web. spin all the balderdash you want, i just need that gentle breeze to help blow this shit over. keep that venom flowin, i may bruise easily but i dont brainwash that easy.

cruised across the causeway to spend a lil moolah for the sake of it. i love impromptu suggestions, esp when they come from the most unexpected sources :) i dont know how we survived with no pre-burned cd, and zero snacks. zomg. very unlike us, but it was one of the most enjoyable trips ever. it doesnt take much to please me, i laugh at nothing.

not forgetting the two surprise car-jackers who showed up in the backseat when i returned from drawing money at beauty world. haha seeing vern & queen made my day <3

i wish for a neverending world cup season :D

i have no idea why this post is just bursting with euphoria.

2006-06-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

steamboat @ novena. where we stuffed, and laughed, and discussed random issues. we love to eat, 'nuff said.

chopstick holding chopsticks. AMAZING!
queenie has fat fingers that ruin nice pictures, but we love her cos shes our handy cameraman
a rare opportunity to photograph as a group. studio pics, anyone?
look at queen's face haha!

2006-06-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

oh the idiocy of youth and the token spare tyre.

i suppose its that time of the month where we all succumb to forms of lunacy. i have my reasons, how 'bout the lot of you? you know how it is. moods riding on monster pendulums, zits telling themselves its time to shine, appetites unleashing themselves and wreaking havoc in the gastronomic department. is it just me, or was i trying to be extra nice today to spare someone the monstrosity of having to be near me at this godforsaken moment. and getting fucked as a result.

but anyway, i lack the capacity for grudges so lets talk about tea and crumpets instead. i think the only reason for my current jackpot-ing is because im finally reaping the fucking benefits of karma. fuck all you phantom menaces. having said that, i think i need to stop convincing myself that im being victimized because good things are happening elsewhere and i need to go graze greener pastures. yes, im a fucking sheep. leave me alone in my meadows of tranquility.

such thwarting emotions. i could shoot myself for being so randomly and unnecessarily dramatic. i could really use a tranquilizer shot right now.

note to self: please tell me which part of 'fuck off' dont you understand?

2006-06-20T03:52:00.000+08:00

at the rate i'm going, i'm turning into this:

2006-06-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

holy spaghetti.

nothing else gets the adrenaline pumping as furiously as blinking numbers, rows of laptops and the sound of 'kaching'. and then theres chocolate and milo, just to entice the zit colony on my face to multiply faster than termites. not exactly the epitome of good health, considering the sudden repelling force thats been keeping me from standing within a 1km radius of the running track. i dont think theres a need to start discussing my reversed sleep pattern.

and if i thought my procrastination was a bane during term, then its a Bane with a capital B during the holidays. i suspect my mother is just seconds away from digging her nails into my neck and strangling me to death in the process. if i dont sell some shit for her on ebay before the next time she asks me, i swear shes gonna explode and kill just about everyone within 3km of our house.

the togo v. suisse match is too distracting for me to blog on.
somebody confiscate my laptop please.

2006-06-19T03:14:00.000+08:00

Some say that we're reckless
They say we're much too young
Tell us to stop before we've begun
We've got to hold out till graduation
Try to hang on Maxine

While the world is sleeping
We meet at Lincoln Mall
Talk about life the meaning of it all
Try to make sense of the suburban sprawl
Try to hang on Maxine

Mexico City is like another world
Nice this year they say
You'll be my senorita
In jeans and pearls
But first let's get off this highway

We'll move up to Manhattan
And fill the place with friends
Drive to the coast and drive right back again
One day we'll wake up, make love but 'til then
Try to hang on Maxine

2006-06-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

i dont know how my parents do it, but they seem to look and act younger as they get older. i certainly do hope that this is a genetic thing and i will eventually manage to sponge off its goodness!

everyone please meet michael the grouch (this is meant affectionately, despite our numerous disagreements over everything under the tuscan sun), whose birthday happens to fall on june 16! he is old enough to be a grandfather (oops, am i supposed to tell everyone that? who gives), but i on the other hand am not quite prepared, nor willing, to play any part in helping him achieve 'grandfather' status. no way jose. not in the near future, fo' sho'.

anyhow. we went a lil overboard today and celebrated over lunch and dinner in a rather extravagant fashion. luckily they were paid for, otherwise i will never stop kao peh-ing over him not letting me go to HK because hes being a giam gu. we had lunch at the sentosa resort! thanks to crumby weather, my plans to go tanning after self-stuffing kinda fell through. which didnt turn out to be such a bad thing because by then my tummy was bulging beyond its full potential. we then proceeded to have dinner at lei garden 5 hours later. being intelligent as i am, i went and filled myself up with scrumptious appetizers so i didnt really get to enjoy the rest of the dishes when they finally turned up. then again, i never quite appreciated chinese food anyway. food is food. i'm blessed to get any :D

ok i honestly dont know how this entry got so long and informative. but i think i'm just high on food and excess sugar. show some voyeuristic love.

2006-06-16T02:33:00.000+08:00

we're all blading on thin ice and doing mad stunts at that. proceed with caution.

spent the evening with the accidental shrink who probably wasnt sober 80% of the time, but i ain't complaining. we all fuss over the same inconsequential things that probably will not eventually be considered little nothings because a rolling stone gathers moss. and as mascara bleeds a blackened tear (props to franzferdinand), i cant quite recall the reason why, or how, or what.

we are so weightless it scares me how we float. i suppose we just want to get what we give. is that too idealistic a wish? how tragically alarming if it should be because i so love attuning myself with reality and its terribly hateful punitive nature.

2006-06-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

often enough, i find myself inexplicably drawn to magazine stands that do nothing but contribute to my tabloid-congested brain. i've also very efficiently landed myself in a very uncompromising financial fix, and am beginning to feel desperate to find work. then again, evidently not desperate enough considering the fact tht i've turned down two pretty satisfactory job offers. okay actually, one sucks balls, the other one seems alright.

i am so sick of empty promises, if i hear another one, i think i'm just gonna fucking break something. then again, i like to believe that i am immune to watching my high hopes plummet to the ground time and time again. i am not a big fan of rejection and disappointment, as you can easily tell! i would just like to say, please refrain from saying anything if you dont plan to follow through with it. this is not a hostile demand, as you can tell. i am trying to be as diplomatic as i possibly can because all i want is PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!

i <3 the world cup.

2006-06-13T02:16:00.000+08:00

extended hibernation has led me to believe that the world consists of just me and the few people that i still manage to maintain contact with. spending time with people you've been good friends with for years never fails to be a deliriously euphoric experience. blasts from the past, inconsequential gossip and much nostalgia can only be derived from the people that you've laughed and cried with for an uncountable number of donkey years.

my adorable girlies <3
vern is a cutie!
we bumped into these two clowns, who insisted we sat for 2 mins before raiding heeren.
braces are all the rage!
we were being evil and making fun of the woman who was snoozin' away at starbucks. unfortunately, by the time we took this pic, she had woken up and realised we were mocking her. whoops!

2006-06-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

my peculiar affinity for easy asphyxiation and frivolous thoughts sometimes clouds the senses a little too severely for comfort. i never thought there was a need to explain sacrifices made, although i sometimes wonder at my abrupt displays of generosity. i dont care for filling voids because i dont think there're any to fill.

2006-06-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

Say it ain't so.
Your drug is a heartbreaker.
Say it ain't so
My love is a lifetaker

2006-06-08T12:48:00.000+08:00

blatantly obvious dancefloor deprivation: leaving one's handbag with complete strangers sitting at a crowded table surrounded by many other complete strangers, then feeling artificially assured that your belongings will be safe.

(after 40mins of sardine-ing with perspiring bodies on the dancefloor)

girl #1: i'm worried about my bag. you think it'll be safe?
girl #2: should be la! (continues dancing)
girl #1: haha ok! (continues dancing)

it seems my brain is prone to shrinking when in a place where the music is loud and the people sweaty.

2006-06-06T19:50:00.000+08:00

the holidays are a prime catalyst for dysfunctional behaviour and all things abnormal. food intake can no longer be categorized as breakfast, lunch and dinner. these days its just meal #1, meal #2, so on and so forth. because its just not logical to call a granola bar with muffins, fried eggs and ham at 2pm 'breakfast' even if it is your first meal of the day. while it seems quite revolting to be this lethargic and sloth-like, i find great pleasure in lazing around and grooming myself into this glorious panda look-a-like.

that sentence sounded weird.

anyhow.
enough's been said.
i think we all feel the same about the holidays.
time for meal #3

2006-06-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

i wonder if anyone's ever noticed
that at the back alley of al ameen
the milo dinosaur poster has a pic of godzilla on it
and the milo godzilla poster has a pic of a dino (t-rex) on it.

damn cock man, those buggers.

2006-06-03T15:22:00.000+08:00

courtesy of amandurhhh.

we scare ourselves sometimes.

2006-06-03T05:24:00.000+08:00

so it seems i'm incapable of taking nice photos like most normal people.
but anyhow, a piece of good news!
to me at least.

my baby cousin is coming to smu!
this is probably the most enthusiatic i've been about my school since fondue was introduced at kopitiam.
not that it sucks ass, or anything even close to that.
but you know how it is,
when you cant manage your own time to save your life,
and you procrastinate like theres no tomorrow
thus allowing work to pile up in fierce competition with everest.
i'm glad i saved my notes,
i love helping people i love.

2006-06-03T04:57:00.000+08:00

GREASE.
so much nostalgia in such little space.
was bursting with excitement during the first coupla songs.
then things got a teeny bit disappointing.
i think we were more entertained by our own cam-whoring antics.
still one of my all-time favourite movies, nonetheless!
display of retarded pics coming your way, lovelies.

2006-06-02T04:27:00.000+08:00

ok so i'm slightly obsessed with the phoenix and her flaming locks. i'm taking these pics with me to the hairdresser's. ha ha!

2006-06-02T03:29:00.000+08:00

there is nothing more distressing than oreo-sized mozzie bites tainting your upper thigh and ankle area. the repugnant sight of these hideous marks is one thing. the itching is about a billion times harder to ignore, goddamn itching! will have to lay off all swimwear and mini anythings for a bit. and like how hard is that.

caught requiem for a dream at megan's today. one of the most fucking disturbing films i've ever watched. a poignant portrayal of self-destruction through drug addiction and one's own entrapment in warped dreams that formed from desolation, sheer loneliness, and desires to drag oneself out of dire straits. all that pushing off, getting loaded, getting laid - at times it got a little difficult to watch.

i dedicate the night to coldplay. just because.

you're really somethin' else.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

2006-05-31T02:44:00.000+08:00

i often find myself invariably drawn to latenight snacking which very often does not bode well for my bowels. this becomes glaringly evident in the morning, after a tall glass of water. i sometimes find it absolutely necessary to put my kitchen in a cage and have the key deposited in the stomache of rusty.

waistline woes aside, worldcup season is approaching. for some reason this seems somewhat ominous, especially since my bank account is at stake once again. such recalcitrant behaviour is difficult to correct, and as always, little can be done to slay the beast. nevertheless, i look forward to ogling at mini men scattered across a stretch of lime green as they struggle to run after a tiny white ball and toss it into a rectangular net with their feet. i should warn loved ones first - i will be temporarily unreachable from 9-25 June.

peace.

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VIC! <3

our neverending love affair withstands the stormiest weather. a friend indeed - thank you for helping me tame my dragon when he was enraged.

2006-05-31T01:59:00.000+08:00

one chocolate too many. and one too many parodies of stupid poses. these are in honour of the bomster, despite vehement objections.

2006-05-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

this cutie comes home tomorrow :)

2006-05-30T02:42:00.000+08:00

i'm really not psyched about becoming a parent. the thought alone scares me beyond comprehension. who the fuck wants to spend three whole decades, or more, trying to raise a kid only to realise your kid thinks you're fucked up? i am fully aware of how unfair i'm being, but i feel that at this very moment, it is justified by the unfairness that is being shown to me. everyone knows it aint no walk in the park. generation gaps aren't all myth and baloney. they really do play a significant part in creating rifts between people from different generations. and things get even uglier when someone from an older generation is simply adamant to change, is too rigid, and feels bound to time-honoured codes that sprouted from traditional periods.

i don't even know where this is going.

i feel like i just got shot in the head. the fact that i'm also bleeding half to death is not the best thing to be happening right now. a lot of the time, silence is the best remedy to conflict. spacing out mid-conversation (or in my case, mid-lecture), fiddling, standing when the other person is sitting - it all kind of adds up to this calm and collected front which makes a temporary fortress to the verbal attacks being lashed out. it isn't fair. i don't feel that i was prepared enough for this war of words. i also didnt think it wouldve put me in a very advantageous position if i'd allowed myself to make irretrievable remarks that i didnt have much time to think about before letting it go pass my lips.

i think it is terribly narrow-minded to categorize someone as mediocre based purely on their academic standing. i mean wtf is wrong with mediocre grades? so they say i'm a mediocre student because i've never gone beyond an A, and i've got a whole load of Bs from all three ranges. 'scuse me if i'm wrong, but i dont think there's anything too mediocre about your daughter. i am so far from mediocre sometimes, i think it'd be safer if you just put me in a straitjacket.

count your blessings, A-hole.

2006-05-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

whats it take to get awesome hair like that. i'm thinking crazy extensions and a tedious dye job.

2006-05-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

are we masters of our own fate?

i never believed in jinxed dates until i noticed an eerie trend that seemed to surface at the exact same time every month. what perturbed me even more was the fact that my organizer confirmed the existence of this incredible recurring nightmare that occurred on the supposedly three unlucky days of each month gone by. the 2 days leading up to the 28th was always marred by some unfortunate event(s) which pretty much caused major upheaval to the status quo.

i cant argue with the fact that chaos seems to always be at its prime during this time of the month, ever ready to threaten and attack me with its thorny tentacles. however, im happy with the way things have turned out this time round. in fact, i dont think i couldve been happier.

had the most amazing time last night driving around aimlessly and talking about the past, both seriously and in jest. im amused by the shocking number of 'what ifs' that could've put us on some other path to some place else. theres rarely ever a time when i bother to take initiative of any sort, and i couldnt be more grateful tht i'd chosen to be out of character at the most crucial times. not forgetting your persistence and determination at catching that one irresistable little fish, of course :)

who's keeping count anyway?

<3

2006-05-26T16:51:00.000+08:00

i'm quite aware of the fact that i am highly capable of cringe-worthy literary products. excuse the nauseating attempt at elementary-style descriptive writing. a lot of the time i convince myself that i am some sort of literary aficionado in the making. perhaps it is not recommended to perpetually live in denial, and curse at nature when harsh reality strikes.

sitting in solitude and waiting on people can be exceptionally profitable. when you're an ebay seller, that is. i think i just made a couple of quick bucks selling off unwanted jumble junk. i dont know what the big deal is with the great singapore sale. the only thing great is perhaps the tremendous quantities of irregular sizes and store rejects that finally get put out on display. then again, i shouldnt talk so much. despite knowing the truth about the GSS, i find myself somewhat drawn to peek into the various boutiques in hopes of finding something wearable.

i was never really aware of this disastrous tendency to become a frenzied shopper. is there no other way to control this cursed affliction!

anyhow
i think it is about time i started taking pride in this country.
i am after all born here, no?
i dont loathe it
and its not that i dont recognize the brilliance of it in the many ways that it is brilliant.
there are just some things that irk me so much that i feel compelled to voice out my discontent.
but lets not get into that shall we.

2006-05-25T15:03:00.000+08:00

what can be made of the miserable weather?

the soothing mellowness and absence of the most laser-like glares signal for quickened heartbeats to take a breather. take the brightness level down a couple notches, and there you are, in the most comforting of dimly lit paradises. the pitter pattering of rain bouncing off your window sills come with such regularity that your thoughts begin dancing to the imaginary beat. how rarely are you blessed with the perfect time and place for peaceful slumber among a haven of fluffed sheets and pillows?

on the flip side of your celestial peace, your inner being feels threatened by the ogre that so conveniently reveals itself in the see-through disguise of phantom storms. what peace is there to speak of? there is nothing less soothing than the devilish rhythm of resounding thunder reverberating through your house. each large decibel more malevolent than the next. they bounce off the walls with such a vengeance, you duck furiously to get out of the way 'lest you get struck by the invisible demons. it is no safer indoors than it is outdoors. the rain plummets down like glass shards ready to strike every stubborn rebel who dares set foot outside. they come for you through any medium available, haunting your senses till you brink on insanity.

how much poison has your brain endured?

2006-05-25T13:59:00.000+08:00

DOG RUN @ West Coast Park

dragged my ass outta bed early so my furry sisters could go to the dog run. all three of em :D

2006-05-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all just
Disappear

black hole sun
wont you come
and wash away the rain
black hole sun
won't you come
won't you come

2006-05-24T02:23:00.000+08:00

one of my summer term mates thought that the "il' in 'Kim Jong Il' was actually a '2' in roman numerals. zomg. we're good friends, so i didnt feel too remorseful about laughing my ass off everytime she said 'Kim Jong Two'. okok, thou shalt not mock the ignorance of others. whoops, i meant unawareness. :) sorry, Q, i just had to.

and if you thought that pic up there was sick, you aint seen nothin' yet.

soaking up the pleasures that i so seldom get to enjoy. please refrain from barfing, thanks.

2006-05-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

such multiplicity intrigues the irrational and creates a somewhat phantasmagoric illusion for the world to feed on with great relish. so confused, so plagued with questions of sanity. are you overcome with your shameful dependencies that you so try to mask? you do exceptionally well with that pseudo aloofness. i cant find enough of the right words to say to purge my mind of the thoughts i have of you right now.

2006-05-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

as i sit here, groggy and sniffy-nosed, the one clear thought that comes to mind - and a horrific one too - is that i've just won another ebay bid. i'm revolted by my own unabashed audacity. as of now, my numero uno concern is probably getting a job in the near future. im aware of the missing sense of urgency. believe me, its there, its just invisible! big money, big money! hey whatever happened to wheel of fortune ... hmmm.

anyhow, i was so excited about going to farm mart yesterday. made a couple of pretty DUH discoveries upon arrival. for some reason i'd always thought farm mart was in pasir ris. uhh, way off, dude. its err at choa chu kang i think? the uncertainty is the result of being a passenger and not a driver. damn does it feel good to sit at the back of my own car! i'd almost forgotten how comfy it was in the back seat. ok anyway, when we got there, we zoned in on just one shop. spent a coupla mins just taking up space and ogling at bunnies while the bird owners bought feed and made enquiries. and that was it! my long anticipated visit lasted a grand total of 15-20 mins.

you see what the holiday spirit does to you. it makes you somewhat strangely convinced that the world is interested in your daily agenda.

2006-05-21T01:51:00.000+08:00

saturday night's not alright.
talk about a health crisis. i swear, the flu spreads faster than bush fire.
anyway check out the lil birdie. ain't he cute

please note, i did not leave the house looking like a complete retard. i blame the photographer for the unflattering shot. snarl.

ok, enough of the retard talk.
i blame it on the four leaf clover.

2006-05-20T09:57:00.000+08:00

and i thought i had some nasty habits.
i dont think not making my bed and leaving food around the room can be considered killer vices, especially when compared to the habits of some others. to say they were 'bad' wld be a fuckin understatement. whats more morbid than knowing such people exist, and are in relatively close proximity? possibly the fact that their addictions can no longer be justified by the typical 'just a phase' excuse. an even more disturbing thought would be wondering what would become of 'em ten years from now.

having said that.
it cannot be doubted that being a parent is one of the most mother-effing difficult things ever. rotten children are not always the products of lousy parents and poor upbringing. circumstances, company, personal psychology and what not play a significant role in moulding an individual's personality. i'm not saying that parents dont play an important part in this, but they cant always be held responsible for the way their kids turn out. some things happen by default, or stem from unknown origins, and in some cases, nothing can be done to ease the situation. am i talking about myself? well, i dont know.

it brings much euphoria when everyday feels like a saturday.
but sooner or later, its gonna feel like 'groundhog day' over and over again.
i can feel it in my bones.

crash poets - wave goodbye

2006-05-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

late-night frenzies and loafish indulgences. i foresee the next couple of months spent in a completely idyllic fashion. the bumming has only just commenced hence this indescribable enthusiasm towards embracing an annoyingly carefree lifestyle. nevertheless, such fancies will soon be extinguished by the encroachment of disapproving stares and harsh words that sound like nothing at all passing through these stubborn ear canals.

i think i need to enroll myself in a 'online shoppers anonymous' help group. ebay deliveries have been rolling in at an alarming rate over the past 3 days. things are getting slightly out of hand. zero income, maximum expenditure. this clearly explains my disastrous accounting grades, no doubt.

i cant decide which is worse. my erraticism or your tactlessness. either way, i'm in no hurry to decode your temperament and decipher your thoughts.

2006-05-17T15:06:00.000+08:00

i think i just found out where my 'hanging up' tendencies have originated from. the occasional rudeness, the angsty slamming of phones mostly fuelled by rage and complete lack of thought. i dont know whether to laugh or cry. even mrs. 52-year-old housefly cant end a phone conversation decently, regardless of the volcanic anger. does this mean i still have to take responsibility for my actions.

reversed into dad's car this morning. like omfgwtf.
yeah and my mother's hysteria doesnt quite make things any better.
my friend says i should look on the bright side, but didnt specify exactly which part of this catastrophe that bright light is supposed to fall on.
i'm wildly guessing that its the fact that my car's emerged from the entire ordeal unscathed.
w007

i cant believe im spending the day mourning over dented cars.
or CAR.
quite a killjoy, considering its the last day of summer term.

2006-05-16T02:56:00.000+08:00

full blown sinus explosion @ three AM spells endless suffering and a nose sore from all that tissue interaction. hence, you are more or less spared the monster psychobabble that i am so prone to spouting at times like these.
or maybe not.

i cant decide which is worse.
doing summer term and getting mediocre grades
or
taking quantitative methods during term and flunking out beyond compare.
does that even sound human to you ?
'quantitative methods' ?
more like some alien lingo brought to earth for the sake of torturing my math-intolerant brain.
apparently the pre-requisites for this module was an understanding of calculus & algebra.
there must be some misunderstanding here.
how the fuck did i become eligible for this class.
hur.

whining and agony aside,
im doing my instinctual silent countdown everytime the end of term draws closer.
jail term more like it.
i think ive eaten a red bean pao every other day during breaks for the past 4 weeks since summer term began. i swear, i might just start turning into one soon.

enough rambling.
i have to model my hands for manicurist noobs at 1030am.
its been a while since ive upheld a code of punctuality, much to my dismay.

snow patrol - one night is not enough

2006-05-16T00:10:00.000+08:00

my best friend = star of ntuc income ad
how absolutely mind-blowing.
3 year old pic, fyi.

watch it now !

http://www.income.coop/ads/idealplantvc.asp

2006-05-14T02:41:00.000+08:00

i heart amandurrhhhhh.

2006-05-13T05:35:00.000+08:00

battleshits at macpherson. temple marathon. close to zero sleep and pelting rain. the weather couldn't have been more unforgiving. this is probably the first time in years that i didnt spend vesak day doing something completely unrelated to the subject being commemorated. and at this point, i am reminded once again, how much of a sinner i felt throughout each visit. nevertheless, i had the most interesting time. irony ? check.

to top that off.

being the slackest and laziest person i know, i found myself mysteriously present at bukitbatok mac's for the past 5 hours working on a school project. yes i know. the irony ! it stings. believe it or not, i was contributing rather significantly. or at least more than i usually do (which implies close to zilch productivity). what blows more than the thought of me doing anything academic-related on a friday night ? the fact that every one of those hours resulted in nothing but the 4 of us being back at the drawing board. outcome of apparent efforts = thin air.

i hate the thought of having to work any further. esp since it involves eating into my precious weekend which i hope to spend doing something weight-loss related. the past week saw ridiculous amounts of food being consumed by a single bulging tummy. damage control, somebody !

i'm smashed.

late night m&m's strike again !

much love.

2006-05-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

by far the most retarded-sounding error message i've ever come across.

'the path is too deep'.
like wtf ??

thats what happens when you forcefeed your laptop with numerous episodes of grey's anatomy and prison break. oooomphhh

2006-05-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

we're random as hell and we dont tolerate pouty lips + excessive photo-whoring on friendster. think we were <-this-> close to gagging thanks to an eyeful of self-portrait-shots, courtesy of friendster (which should really just be called 'acquaintancer').

i miss those ugly black boots, your hilarious stories that often revolve arnd female aggression and winning pick up lines we never knew could exist. what is wrong with the world today ?

2006-05-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

selective insomnia. comfort zones. acceptance. fragmented thoughts and loose jigsaw pieces.

the irony amuses me to almost vile levels of hysteria. yet simultaneously, it torments with such incredible skill. i can only stare in awe at the effects it has on me, and watch it have its way with my helpless mind. i know myself. i may have some of my priorities messed up beyond salvation, but at least ive got a handful firmly cemented in their prime positions. and while the other miscellaneous ones trail along aimlessly, trying to cling on to their places, i will remain oblivious to their inconsequential presence and focus on those closest to the heart.

its been near impossible to convey my thoughts coherently tonight. there were truckloads of what i'd wanted to say, but saying it would only be setting a foot into my grave. all i can reveal is that friendships by default and seeming chemistry are the worst ways to build relationships of any kind. i dont trust easily, and minor cock ups are scrutinized mercilessly. i dont think i could ever care about you the way i'd hoped that i could.

i hate my tendency to over-apologize. its a royal fucking pain and i want to kick myself each time it happens. someone please kick me for me. i need to find some way to convince myself that i dont have to be sorry for every fucking thing that isnt 100% pure and perfect to everyone.

2006-05-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

They might make you think you're happy
Yeah maybe for a minute or two
They can't make you laugh
No they can't make you feel
The way that I do

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yeah I will buy you a new life

2006-05-06T05:34:00.000+08:00

such tenacity oughtta be pulverized.

dignity and self-respect have dissolved into an almost incomprehensible oblivion. in my incredibly worthless state, striking deals with the devil would seem nothing but suicidal. is the world just fading into an abysmal blur or is my life flashing before my eyes at the speed of light. this inanimateness is contagious and i worry for those in close proximity.

project work is a recurring nightmare that plagues my holidays with its unrelenting endlessness.

my latest revelation involves a mixture of sub-revelations that adds up to a marvelous combination which spells stupidity. im desperate for a second opinion just so i can assure myself that i am still sane and my thoughts are rational.

i look at you, and i wish i could say what it is i see.

2006-05-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

slow shes burnin in your soul with whispers in your ear

the world is black. with the occasional sporadic smattering of this and that, and what not. i swear, music was created purely to serve as a sadistic puppeteer whose only goal is to tug at your heartstrings till you bleed through your soul.

you are the word. the word is 'destroy' !

2006-04-30T17:24:00.000+08:00

If you could come clean about everything,
It would be easy for me
To be sorry.
If you could see all the possiblities,
We might not still be standing
Where we started.

Oh no, don't let me go for this,
Don't let me go for this.
I might be a fool,
But you might be one too,
Maybe we're all that we needed.
Two wrongs don't make a right,
But I don't care tonight,
Maybe we're all that we needed.

You could say we were just a big mistake,
I think it's worth making,
And worth repeating.
I would say good things come to those who wait,
I would say anything,
If you'd believe it.

Oh no,
Don't let me go for this,
Don't let me go for this.

I might be a fool,
But you might be one too,
Maybe we're all that we needed.
Two wrongs don't make a right,
But I don't care tonight,
Maybe we're all that we needed.

Maybe we're perfectly not meant to be
Or more alike then were willing to see.
Maybe we're not meant to not disagree,
Maybe we're crazy baby.

If you could come clean about everything,
It would be easy for me
To be sorry.
If you could see all the possiblities,
We might not still be standing where we started.

Oh no,
Don't let me go for this,
Don't let me go for this.

I might be a fool,
But you might be one too,
Maybe we're all that we needed.
Two wrongs don't make a right,
But I don't care tonight,
Maybe we're all that we needed.
I don't care tonight,
Maybe we're all that we needed.
I don't care tonight,
Maybe we're all that we needed.

plain white t's - all that we needed