it scares me how i still find myself struggling to fully comprehend my own baffling eccentricities at the grand age of 20. one moment im firing ambitious missiles in all alluring endeavours, the next i'm all voluntarily solitary just watching the world go by. i'm as fickle as the next girl. and it really isnt about calling attention to myself, because the last thing i want is to be noticed. i constantly find myself to be contradicting in every sense of the word, yet i assert that such revolting actions are the result of unintentional flippancy. i suffer from self-induced insomnia that is usually caused by my own raging thoughts that seem to resume heavy traffic at times when i should really be asleep. i hate being out of control but even the control freak in me is powerless to the randomness of my own behaviour. its really quite ridiculous, and now i just want to explode. cos my head is throbbing from the lethal combination of acute fatigue and the inability to fall asleep.
these holidays have made me a monster. or am i just singin' the same tune all year round.