i'm quite aware that i should be doing something far more constructive and stimulating to the mind but fuck that. i am smashed as a pumpkin and for some reason i feel compelled to come here and utter some completely irrelevant and uninteresting shit before i head off to get my forty winks.
land mines are stupid. and i feel like ive just accidentally stepped on one and am being made to deal with the horrific ramifications of having my body parts blown in all directions. its really not funny, and just when you think things are peachy, u get complacent and overlook that last landmine. and u really wish you'd seen it, but hey, these things are irreversible. so here i am, picking up the pieces of me.
lousy metaphors aside, it looks like the brainfucking has begun yet again. oh boy do i love these cycles. its like i have to be reminded every now and then that i am not a plant, devoid of human emotions. that i can feel too. yes i'm definitely feeling this, dude.
this entire ordeal reminds me of a movie i once watched on hbo. where the world consisted of women only. with vast advancements in the sphere of biotechnology, scientists had found a way to do away with the Y chromosome completely. women were completely self-reliant to the point where they could procreate without the help of men thanks to sperm banks and an abundant supply of sperm. guys, you might wanna think twice about donating ... i heard it pays well, but ...
so back to my point, sometimes i wish i was placed in an all-female environment because that would definitely make matters a lot less complicated.
i'm amused at how obsessed i am with making sure things dont fall apart. someone else does something wrong, and i write them a 2000-word email to talk things out. now i've done something wrong, and i'm still the one desperately trying to fix things and reverse whats been done. honestly, there is something wrong with this abnormal desire to ensure that things are A-OK all the time. i need to get my head checked.